3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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