I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
