It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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