I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
