May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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