guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
