Even the bartender felt bad for me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
