Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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