wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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