Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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