she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
