They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
