why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
