Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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