as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
