Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
