May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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