you traded sex for a burrito?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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