Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
