everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
