I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
