I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
