Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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