I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
