dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
farters have to be the big spoon...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I want her autograph on my taint
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
