Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
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he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
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My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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