Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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