Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
