I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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