dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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