so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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