We're facebook friends in real life
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
