Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
