I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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