We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
