I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
