i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
