i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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