Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
