Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
