I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
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