i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just want nice things and good sex
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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