we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
