I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
