Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
