A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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