Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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