We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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