is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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