Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
