What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
