I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This house was built for laser tag.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
