I'm really into asian looking animals
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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