honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
